Am I correct? Maybe not. But here is what I think...
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what it means to be an honest person. Is that someone who always speaks their mind? Or is it someone who tells the truth constantly? Maybe instead it’s someone who inspires others. Or could it be that everyone has their own interpretation of the word?
I’ve always thought I was an honest person. I always speak my mind and try to stand up for the people that I care about. and yet somehow it always seems to backfire. It wasn’t until this year that I really started to understand what it means to be an honest person. I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t necessarily matter what you say as what really matters is how you say it. And specifically the people you say it around. I think what’s interesting is that it doesn’t matter at all what you say. It could just be your tone or it could simply be the way that somebody else is interpreting it. Just because you believe you mean it one way, doesn’t mean that’s how it’ll be perceived.
Something that really struck me and was a hard realization, was that even if you are an honest person, it doesn’t always mean you’re a good person. Currently, I am trying to swap my mindset to be a good person because being an honest person wasn’t working out the way I had hoped it would. One of my teammates recently said to me at a horse show that she thought I was one of the most truthful people that she had ever met. She said that it seemed like I may have an attitude, but I would always tell her how I felt. She liked that even if she didn’t like it at the moment, what I had to say always came from a place of caring. I wanted them to get better and sometimes that meant a little tough love. And often it came with a stupid joke or something to laugh about but she appreciated that I was easy to talk to. I was sitting with one of my other friends at the time, and we kind of looked at each other and laughed, but smiled.
If you’ve been around me, especially in the last couple years, you’ll know that I haven’t always had the easiest time with friend groups. I am someone that cares about the people I’m around and don’t take friendships lightly. But yet, I seem to pick the wrong groups and keep getting people talking behind my back, who seem to enjoy making my life more difficult than it needs to be. I want to see the best in everyone and sometimes that means being a bit too much of myself right away. Why would I not want everyone to be friends? I could never understand why this was the case. I always thought I was doing the right thing by being upfront with people but I have been learning there are better ways to communicate. Going back to that horse show conversation, this thought is why my friend and I laughed. Although we knew that what she was saying was correct, it seemed like not everyone felt that way and it was refreshing to hear it out loud.
This conversation got me thinking and when I look back at everything that’s happened, especially in the last two or three years, I realize that it wasn’t because I was out to get someone or didn’t care enough, but because simply other people hear what they wanna hear. I can’t sit here and say that I’ve been a complete angel. I know I’ve done or said some stuff in the past that I’m not proud of, but that’s part of growing up. I’ve learned so much, especially in my last two years of college and I’m not the same person anymore. That’s the wonderful thing about finding yourself and growing. Everything I’ve done, I thought I was doing for the right reason. It has not always had the result I desired or thought it would but I had good intentions. I am aware that sometimes I may have let my emotions get the best of me, but it’s because I care. I am passionate about the people in my life and being emotional isn’t always a bad thing. It shows that you care, specifically that you care about fixing the problem. I stand by the fact that I would rather have a difficult conversation and hear what you truly have to say than to pretend it didn’t happen at all.
I have found that where we all get into trouble is when we lack communication. Sure, sometimes hearing how people really feel can be hard, but wouldn’t you rather deal with it face to face then wonder what you did for months? I believe that a lot of problems could be solved if people just simply talk to each other. And I know that that is easier said than done but it’s important.
So to end, I’ll leave you with this. Next time you’re not sure how to approach a situation with another person, just tell them how you really feel. Don’t get defensive and try not to let your emotions take over (although I believe it’s okay to cry) but just talk. Be sensitive to the other party but stand up for yourself. It might be awkward or uncomfortable, but in the end, being honest is what matters. If you’re honest and respectful, then you’ve taken care of being a good person.
